Jolene

Hi, I’m Jolene and I am a mother of two. My first child was breastfed for only a short time. My second is still happily breastfeeding at 14 months. The saying "if you knew then what you know now" applies to me in every sense of the word. Below are some of my thoughts, which I'm sure many mums can relate to.


Before I had children I was ignorant and naive. Pregnancy was supposed to be beautiful and a time to bloom. Instead I gained weight at a horrific pace, my stomach was like a train yard and it was sooooo uncomfortable. Labour and delivery have to be experienced to be understood! Totally not what I expected with all the intervention. I didn't get to hold my baby because he was rushed off for this test and that and I was left wondering what the hell was going on. You hear all the stories but nothing can actually prepare you.

When he finally came back to me, I thought, right, now I can relax and breastfeed my baby because this is the natural thing to do. Nobody tells you just how stressful it can be for something that is supposed to be so natural. After 10 days of agony each time my child fed and I had had no sleep because no one ever told me that you can lie down and feed or that organizations such as Cuidiu or La Leche League exist that you can contact for support or advice, I finally admitted defeat and succumbed to pressure to give a bottle of formula.

When the baby finally finished that bottle and settled into a blissful slumber I was left feeling guilty and inadequate. Feelings of guilt and inadequacy soon turned to anger and doubting my ability as a mother in general and depression soon set in. Every day was a battle even when switched completely to formula and the guilt continued. Every time I gave him a bottle I'd think "why? Why could I not breastfeed?" I eventually came around to the fact that bottle feeding was "normal, everyone does it" and when I saw someone breastfeeding, I couldn't help but stare and feel envious and at the same time think how odd it was to see someone actually breastfeeding.

Expecting baby number two is different, I was too busy to think about myself or the impending birth which quite frankly I was doing my damnedest not to think about because the thoughts of it scared the hell out of me. But what happened in reality was completely different. My body knew what to do, my waters broke and I thought "here we go again..."

After a slow start things went too fast in the end for any intervention and a I had a wonderful midwife who actually believed in skin-to-skin before the cord is even cut. Childbirth became a totally new, exhilarating experience. My baby girl's first feed was almost lost in the blur and flurry of the amazing birth but now, in hindsight, it was a natural extention of the birth which has gone on and on as our breastfeeding journey has not yet ended.

The last 14 months have been a life changing experience, breastfeeding my daughter and meeting all the amazing people along the way.

Recently I was shown photos of a friend's newborn, the baby was born full term and although small, was in good health. In and amongst the photos was this gorgeous baby having skin-to-skin contact after birth and I could see the tiny little hand moving towards her mother's breast. In the next photo the baby is being fed a bottle of formula.

I was actually quite surprised at my feelings on seeing this photo. I'm almost sure these were feelings of grief, grief that this gorgeous little baby was missing out on so much, not only nutritionally but the comfort and security that accompanies nursing. Another thing that struck me was how odd it was looking at a picture of a baby being bottle fed and not breastfed. It just wasn't normal.

It got me thinking then...I was naive and ignorant and despite thinking I was open minded to both bottle feeding and breastfeeding, I am clearly more in favour of breastfeeding after having experienced it for the past 14 months. This is something that would never have happened had I not actually successfully breastfed or been involved with Friends of Breastfeeding. My eyes are wide open to so many facts now than what they ever were before. Before I had my daughter, I had, like so many others, done minimal research and thought "sure, how hard can it be! but just in case....I'll have the ready made cartons and bottles ready in the house". By doing this I was setting myself up for failure without even realising it.

If I'm totally honest, I surprised myself. Through the continious support of other breastfeeding mums, over email, online forums and text messages in the middle of the night, my fears and anxieties were eased when I realised I was not the first to encounter the little bumps in the road and breastfeeding was an art and a skill to be learnt both by mother and baby and in reality, it takes a very short time to learn, but the bond is unbreakable and the feelings of fulfilment and accomplishment watching your baby grow day by day and thinking "I did that! I really did that!" are incredible.

As the saying goes, "Knowledge is power". Knowlege is what was passed on to me through Friends of Breastfeeding. Not only the factual information but the support and advice from other breastfeeding mothers was a key factor in my success.

I do not deserve a medal for successfully breastfeeding, but I do deserve a medal for warding off the negative and misleading information that's out there, putting to bed so many myths I'd heard as well as the pressure from outsiders to "top up" because it would help the baby sleep better and for longer, which again, is a myth. Babies are fascinating little creatures. You cannot train them fresh from the womb. They need comfort, security and mummy close by at all times to grow into independant little individuals with so much energy, you have to wonder if they're fueled with rocket fuel....no hang on...I know, she's fuelled with mum's milk which is even better than rocket fuel!